Post by cj iwakura on Aug 14, 2004 17:30:59 GMT -5
[Foreword: some random thing I came up with a few years ago on a random forum where people posted random things for random reasons If you're familiar with the source material on which I based this randomness, you have my condolences.]
"Today: how to sever the ties from your crappy video game system, even if its developers are technically responsible for your very existence."
"But wait, isn't resisting the omniscient will of Microsoft at once a suicidal and foolish venture?"
"Ah, you have been deluded, young grasshopper. That is simply what the bespectacled one would have you believe."
"But its giant hard drive has thousands upon thousands upon centimeters of space which'll mean I'll never need a memory card!"
"Yes, and what is it you plan to save in this vast vortex of emptiness?"
"Um.. Dead or Alive screenshots?"
"I rest my case."
"Forgive me! I realize my place as a lowly sinner slaving in name of the dark forces! How may I redeem myself!?"
"I shall enlighten you. First, purchase a Saturn, or some other remotely comparable Sega system."
"Like Game Gear?"
"No, something worth more than your socks."
"Your wisdom speaks volumes.
"Then, purchase games which are actually worthy of merit, such as those actually made by the company who developed the system, thus proving that a system need not exist on the merit of the hardware alone, nor on the generosity of the third party."
"But I like CRAVE Entertainment!"
*ZAP*
"..now, to continue uninterrupted, your next step is to obliterate this dark machination of evil through any means necessary."
"You mean the Republican Party?"
"No, I mean within boundaries of reason."
"Ah."
"To destroy an X-box, you must first gather a fellowship of those brave and noble enough to support your cause."
"Um, we killed them all."
"Crap. ..then just go yourself."
"Okay."
"Then, you must cast the evil creation into the FIRES FROM WHENCE IT CAME!!"
"Mount Doom?"
"No, Nebraska. I wish you luck on this quest, for I can not accompany you."
"Moral obligations?"
"No, Six Feet Under is on tonight. Farewell."
"But wait I..AGGH!"
"Ilpalazzo, your generous gift conveys its merit once again. Now, where's my pretzel sticks?"
[The following.. wait, preceding random creation was in no way associated with microsoft, halo, or any other word synonymous with the italian equivalent of mutated substance. However, the author intends to request Sega funding at one point or another.]
To be continued.
All right, probably not.
"Today: how to sever the ties from your crappy video game system, even if its developers are technically responsible for your very existence."
"But wait, isn't resisting the omniscient will of Microsoft at once a suicidal and foolish venture?"
"Ah, you have been deluded, young grasshopper. That is simply what the bespectacled one would have you believe."
"But its giant hard drive has thousands upon thousands upon centimeters of space which'll mean I'll never need a memory card!"
"Yes, and what is it you plan to save in this vast vortex of emptiness?"
"Um.. Dead or Alive screenshots?"
"I rest my case."
"Forgive me! I realize my place as a lowly sinner slaving in name of the dark forces! How may I redeem myself!?"
"I shall enlighten you. First, purchase a Saturn, or some other remotely comparable Sega system."
"Like Game Gear?"
"No, something worth more than your socks."
"Your wisdom speaks volumes.
"Then, purchase games which are actually worthy of merit, such as those actually made by the company who developed the system, thus proving that a system need not exist on the merit of the hardware alone, nor on the generosity of the third party."
"But I like CRAVE Entertainment!"
*ZAP*
"..now, to continue uninterrupted, your next step is to obliterate this dark machination of evil through any means necessary."
"You mean the Republican Party?"
"No, I mean within boundaries of reason."
"Ah."
"To destroy an X-box, you must first gather a fellowship of those brave and noble enough to support your cause."
"Um, we killed them all."
"Crap. ..then just go yourself."
"Okay."
"Then, you must cast the evil creation into the FIRES FROM WHENCE IT CAME!!"
"Mount Doom?"
"No, Nebraska. I wish you luck on this quest, for I can not accompany you."
"Moral obligations?"
"No, Six Feet Under is on tonight. Farewell."
"But wait I..AGGH!"
"Ilpalazzo, your generous gift conveys its merit once again. Now, where's my pretzel sticks?"
[The following.. wait, preceding random creation was in no way associated with microsoft, halo, or any other word synonymous with the italian equivalent of mutated substance. However, the author intends to request Sega funding at one point or another.]
To be continued.
All right, probably not.
